I’ve had experiences that I should’ve written down over the past many years, and some lessons I’ve had are shocking, surprising, bewildering, and insightful about the character of others and resulted in a need for self-examination. Some of this has to do with the people I’ve met in counseling others are personal experiences and some are nudges from God. But most of these are going to be connected to my relationship to God and recovery and important aspects of life.
One person that significantly impacted me was a recent alcoholic who eventually revealed that he was an atheist that would pleasantly tolerate people with spiritual views. He also indicated that he was a misanthropist (had a dislike for humanity). Not that he was a dog person or a cat person. He did have a wife and a 4-month-old child but he just didn’t want to interact with others. He has one friend that he talks to every 2 to 4 weeks but mostly interacts with his wife. He has problems with alcohol and recently has become “venomous” in his verbal interactions with her.
I perceive addiction as a negative spiritual tool of the enemy. On a physical level it destroys our bodies and our minds. On an emotional level it causes us to seek our own emotional gratification through humor and lust but frequently a sense of anger and maliciousness rears its head and does significant damage to our intimate relationships. On an intellectual level it causes us to crave it and set aside all else for satisfying desire. On the social level it promises fun times and great relationships but eventually results in negative experiences and isolation.
Returning to the atheist; I discussed the usual approaches and tried to address the issues that he would encounter when he started recovery. The understanding that he has done damage and needs to admit that along with the periodic significant loss of control provided him with an acceptance of his predicament. He accepted the concept of God from an acceptable point of view of a “Group of Drunks or Good Orderly Direction”. In an attempt to help him progress even further I started considering how he was going to interact with others, since he believed in a concept of misanthropy. In contemplating how I could help him, I considered that he would have to go to meetings; but he doesn’t like people. I contemplated that he would have to select a sponsor; but he doesn’t like people. I thought about him reading the big book, but it’s about…people.
He seems fairly intelligent, but I wonder if a person is a misanthropist, how this occurs? Does he think he’s better than everyone? Is he lacking in social coping skills? Is he angry at humanity? Is he judging everyone based on an experience he had in his childhood? Has he had problems with trust? It seems that his parents are intelligent, non-spiritual people also. Maybe they impressed upon him that spirituality is weakness. Believing in God is demonstrating dependence. Maybe it is the sinful behaviors of leadership within the church or certain denominations that have made him turn his back on God. He indicated he did not appreciate the war and destruction brought about by Judeo-Christian spiritual belief systems. But he didn’t have any other suggestions about which system to believe which meant that no man has come up with the solution that would satisfy him.
He said he would try to make it work. However, the 2nd weekend he worked on his recovery, he ended up relapsing on alcohol and became verbally abusive to his wife again and she left the house. He was so depressed by his actions that he attempted suicide. He was referred to a psychiatric hospital and then it was recommended that he seek treatment at a residential substance abuse treatment center. We’ve attempted to call him and his wife again but they are choosing not to respond.
The only thing that comes to mind is: how hopeless life must be. To be out of control with alcohol, with his emotions and damaging his relationship must cause extreme fear. To lack the coping skills or the desire to interact with others by either feeling so smug, or so weak, or so betrayed that he would have to “tolerate” a healing experience. It’s sad. I don’t pity him, it’s just sad that something’s happened to him and he can find no hope.
I’m always hopeful that I can find a way
or the words that God would have me say
to rattle people’s cages
to seek the Godly pages
to see the love that I have found
and hopefully still be around.
To give the Way, Truth and the Life a chance
so one day we can rejoice, sing and dance.
Blessings,
Steve